Anyone familiar with The Coalition knows what a DINO is. You might be represented in our House or Senate by one, much to your chagrin. This is my message to all RI General Assembly DINOs.
We know that you feel like you have to fit in.
We know that you feel like you'll be ostracized for showing your true colors.
We know that you'll lose support, possibly from your friends and family.
We know that the prospect of "coming out" scares the hell out of you.
We know that it gets better if you do.
Admitting that you are a conservative is no shame. You will join a long list of Rhode Island statesmen and women including Ron Machtley, Claudine Schneider, and the penultimate RI statesman, John Chafee. These are arguably some of the most astute and forward thinking legislators our state has ever known and you share many of their ideals, so why not throw in with this lot? You could do a hell of a lot worse. That said, they are all WAY better than you.
As a matter of fact, being associated with the likes of Joe Bevilacqua, Gerry Martineau, John Harwood, and now Gordon Fox, degrades your credibility, so why not come out?
We understand your reticence to admit your conservativism. If you've run on your policies, rather than your party affiliation, it won't be a shock to most. In fact, it will be a refreshing change to most voters, and might actually get a few "democrats" to admit that, deep down, they're really conservatives. You'll be creating your own base!
Allow me to borrow from the second-rate "comedian" Jeff Foxworthy when I write:
If you think that the fraud involved in personal welfare "subsidies" costs anywhere near the fraud involved with corporate welfare "subsidies" and tax loopholes, you might be a Republican.
If you think that our government screws up everything it touches, but insist on increased defense spending, you might be a Republican.
If you think that our children are the future, but want to cut public education funding and insist on biased standardized testing for student and teacher evaluations, you might be a Republican.
If you think that having a loving family is the most important thing in a child's development, but you're against same-sex marriage, you might be a Republican.
If you think that tax reform should only apply to corporations and top wage-earners, you might be a Republican.
If you think that the free market solves more problems than it creates, you might be a Republican.
And finally, if you think the invocation of God, the Bible, or "traditional" American values are valid in ANY argument, you might be a Republican.
The point is this:
You know you're a Republican.
We know you're a Republican.
Just admit it.
We'll still love you.
Well, maybe not love...
(Disclaimer: I am no way likening admittance of one's political leanings to coming out as any persuasion of LGBTQ. Clearly, coming out as LGBTQ is MUCH more mentally and emotionally difficult than showing one's true political colors. This post is meant for satirical purposes only. Unless, of course, if it gets a few DINO's out of the closet.)
We know that you feel like you have to fit in.
We know that you feel like you'll be ostracized for showing your true colors.
We know that you'll lose support, possibly from your friends and family.
We know that the prospect of "coming out" scares the hell out of you.
We know that it gets better if you do.
Admitting that you are a conservative is no shame. You will join a long list of Rhode Island statesmen and women including Ron Machtley, Claudine Schneider, and the penultimate RI statesman, John Chafee. These are arguably some of the most astute and forward thinking legislators our state has ever known and you share many of their ideals, so why not throw in with this lot? You could do a hell of a lot worse. That said, they are all WAY better than you.
As a matter of fact, being associated with the likes of Joe Bevilacqua, Gerry Martineau, John Harwood, and now Gordon Fox, degrades your credibility, so why not come out?
We understand your reticence to admit your conservativism. If you've run on your policies, rather than your party affiliation, it won't be a shock to most. In fact, it will be a refreshing change to most voters, and might actually get a few "democrats" to admit that, deep down, they're really conservatives. You'll be creating your own base!
Allow me to borrow from the second-rate "comedian" Jeff Foxworthy when I write:
If you think that the fraud involved in personal welfare "subsidies" costs anywhere near the fraud involved with corporate welfare "subsidies" and tax loopholes, you might be a Republican.
If you think that our government screws up everything it touches, but insist on increased defense spending, you might be a Republican.
If you think that our children are the future, but want to cut public education funding and insist on biased standardized testing for student and teacher evaluations, you might be a Republican.
If you think that having a loving family is the most important thing in a child's development, but you're against same-sex marriage, you might be a Republican.
If you think that tax reform should only apply to corporations and top wage-earners, you might be a Republican.
If you think that the free market solves more problems than it creates, you might be a Republican.
And finally, if you think the invocation of God, the Bible, or "traditional" American values are valid in ANY argument, you might be a Republican.
The point is this:
You know you're a Republican.
We know you're a Republican.
Just admit it.
We'll still love you.
Well, maybe not love...
(Disclaimer: I am no way likening admittance of one's political leanings to coming out as any persuasion of LGBTQ. Clearly, coming out as LGBTQ is MUCH more mentally and emotionally difficult than showing one's true political colors. This post is meant for satirical purposes only. Unless, of course, if it gets a few DINO's out of the closet.)
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