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Tea Party's Misdirected War on Sharia Law

1/20/2015

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Last week, a few Tea Party pols and pundits made some bold claims; the most outrageous of which was the assertion that some communities in the U.K were now, in fact, subject to Islamic Sharia law.

Is the Tea Party right? Is this scourge of theocratic fundamentalist law sweeping across the nation? Or is there a different, more pervasive, more fundamental law permeating this country? A law that enforces itself and - in its defense - sees no color, creed, or social or economic standing. I am talking about Murphy's Law, of course.

Consider the day that Daniel Bogdan of Kalamazoo, Mich. had yesterday. 

"I woke up at about three in the morning because the apartment was freezing," he utters, with the hint of a lingering chill in his voice, "the goddamned pilot had gone out on the boiler!"

When Bogdan finally extracted himself from the relative warmth of his bed, he donned his bathrobe and reached for his slippers. That's when thing's took a turn for the worse. "My dog, Guzzler, had peed all over my slippers. Must be retribution for leaving him in the kennel last weekend."

Still undaunted, Daniel donned the only other pair of shoes around, his girlfriend's UGGS, and headed down into the basement to deal with the pilot light. As he descended the stairs, he conked his head on the one pipe that hangs low enough for him to accomplish that without jumping, burned his fingers as he grabbed a hot pipe to steady himself, then stumbled comically backwards into a bunch of rakes and brooms that were leaning against the wall, lacerating his his face in the ensuing fracas.

"It was like a scene from an old Tom and Jerry cartoon. Y'know, the ones where they really beat the shit out of each other," he continued, "Not like the new Tom and Jerry where they're friends. I mean, c'mon. A cat? And a mouse? Friends? Preposterous!"

And his was not the only tale of woe. Hundreds of thousands more across the country dealt with burst pipes, cars that wouldn't start, accidents, injuries, spouses admitting to affairs, layoffs, broken down buses, blackouts, gastrointestinal distress, empty milk containers back in the fridge, clogged drains, sick kids and even death, at some point in the day.

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    Dave Fisher

    I am the burr under your saddle. I am the rock in your shoe. I am the limb that appears out of nowhere while you're walking in the woods that you almost walk into and take your eye out. I will afflict the comfortable, comfort the afflicted, and offend those I find offensive. Nothing is true. Everything is permitted.

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